In October of 2011, we adopted a 5-month-old puppy from an animal shelter. She was adorable. When I reached through the kennel fencing, she reached back with her heart, and I was smitten. We named her Ruby, because she had this beautiful red coat.
As we gradually, got to know her, it became quite clear that we were in for a long hard road. She showed all signs of puppy fear-aggressiveness, including approach-avoidance with endless barking, scissors jaws while barking, and she was fearful of EVERYTHING. For the next year, I read every book I could get my hands on by a behaviorist. My favorite authors are Patricia McConnell and Karen Overall. I tried all the things in the books. It didn’t help. We worked with a behaviorist, who called Ruby a “project dog”. It didn’t help. We tried medications. It didn’t help. We tried acupuncture and energy medicine. It didn’t help.
I went to my first class of Healing Touch for Animals one month before Ruby died, in yet another effort to help her. I knew what I was seeing with her was not hopeful, and I pretty much cried throughout the entire weekend. I was the beneficiary of healing that weekend. From the instructors who listened to my story, and from my classmates while we practiced brand new healing concepts on each other. I left that weekend with an expanded awareness.
My purpose with Healing Touch for Animals is to support the healing of this planet and it’s inhabitants. I don’t know if HTA could have helped Ruby. I think one of her missions was to get me on this path, and that may have meant that she was not healable. Nevertheless, I received healing from HTA every weekend of class, and I am ready to pay that forward. In addition, caretakers of dogs like Ruby need an enormous amount of support, and I am ready to provide that support in whatever ways I am capable. While working on certification, I was able to help one puppy with serious separation anxiety. The fulfillment from this particular success story is incalculable. Helping the animals to feel better is wonderful. Helping the guardians navigate through caretaking challenging animals is even more satisfying for me. I know firsthand how much suffering both the animal and their caretaker are experiencing with these challenges.
Ruby’s bubble of tolerance shrank over the 8 years. For a long time, we were able to manage as she was comfortable with our family members, which included 3 kids ages 13 to 10. I was able to get her familiar enough with a few people so that we could occasionally leave her to go on a trip. Over the last year of her life, she started to become aggressive to our own kids in our family, whom she had spent the last 8 years with. When I became aware that I was running out of options for her, I set up a contract with her, that she would let me know she was ready to go when she pooped in the bedroom. She very rarely had accidents in the house and had not ever pooped in the bedroom in her life. One day in November, I came home to poop in the bedroom. I was in full denial, and not ready to let go of her yet. Christmas morning, she had an aggressive episode toward my son. We were out of options, and with a broken heart, we said goodbye to Ruby.
Being Ruby’s guardian was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. Simultaneously, she taught me so many important life lessons. She taught me acceptance, non-judgment, compassion and unconditional love. I knew she always did her best, even though her best was not very functional and filled with suffering. In an effort to help her, I worked tirelessly on my own issues of anxiety, conflict avoidance and relationships. This too, did not help Ruby. I learned so much about myself though, and it was another of her gifts to me.